Name That Film: Are You Ready For Some Football!? Edition

American Football could be seen as a not so highly sophisticated method of selling automobiles, wheat barley beverages, athletic wear and hygienic products, but the Film Edition knows better. This would be akin to saying someone like Shawn Merriman would assault a d-list celebrity or there is a new labor agreement put into place. The knowledge came first class when my baby, she sent me another letter and it was better than the last. In it were some detailed key points: unfair acts, double foul, 3 timeouts per half. The good news? There has been 22 consecutive days without an arrest in the NFL.

Are you ready for some football? You have been? This is week 4? Where have we been and what do we see? Wide open spaces in fields filled with green that seem like the age old Roman Coliseum with better advertising!

Finish him or you will be deported like Ryan Leaf or Tony Mandarich! If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter and continue to remain fortified with faith in the name of your team, even if Randy Moss is lollygagging it from play to play! Paint your face but don’t stop there! The game of football...budding in August and bursting in September is a primitive form of rugby...but not in a bad way.

"Ken we get some wings, another round all around and a fresh plate of nachos with extra spice?"

More than nice on the list of successful coaches would have to be: Chuck Noll and Chuck Knox. Joe Gibbs (one of the most successful coaches the league has ever seen), George “Papa Bear” Halas (and you thought all this time it was Baloo in the Jungle Book?), Paul Brown (first to grade his players based on film study, first to call plays from the sidelines), Mr. Perfect, Don Shula, Tom Landry (20 career playoff victories, 5 NFC titles, and 2 Super Bowl championships.), Dick Vermeil (The coach who proved it was okay to cry in football), John Madden (Boom! 14 Sports Emmy Awards!), Tom Flores (stick-um!), Tony Dungy (spiritual advisor) and the genius, Bill Walsh. There is also Mike Holgren and Jim Fassel, George Seifert, Dennis Green, and Mr. Tan, Mike Shanahan and it would be a sin to forget Jimmy Conzelman, George Allen, Ray Flaherty (instituted the screen pass), Hank Stram (the 2 tight end set), the ever impressive, Sid Gillman and as it was, Weeb Ewbank who made that guarantee, channeled through the rickety knees of Broadway Joe. Bill Cowher was and probably still is, mental, Bud Grant effective and Dan Reeves has a career mark of 201-174-2. Earl Lambeau, is your founder of the frozen tundra and there is no way the Film Edition could forget Vince Lomabardi who was quoted more than once saying,

“Practice does not make perfect. Only perfect practice makes perfect. If it
doesn't matter who wins or loses, then why do they keep score? It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up. If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm. Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence. Show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser."

Don’t forget Knute Rockne or Alonzo Stagg and the man with the pretty hair, Jimmie Johnson (how ‘bout them Cowboys!) or the late great, Glenn "Pop" Warner.

Does anyone know when the Falcons hired Steve Martin?

These coaches and so many more have power... kinda like the uttered word…“Ditka”…that personify tackle football on the gridiron and high-tech television at it's finest with eager eyed consumers financing stadium construction much like European Socialism. Back in the U.S.S.R!Who-say sees red tax revenues being fed like an itty bitty lamb to the wolves and some men you just cain’t reach but you try and teach the game of life by scoring points and advancing the ball with strategy and raw physical play. Maybe you pull out a sharpie from your sock or something flashy posted in the cubicle that the general population rarely gets to see?

Sky’s the limit and despite what Al Davis may like to say, there are 11 players on each side with the numbers on the field indicating the number of yards to the nearest end zone. The longer lines are sidelines and the shorter boundaries are the end lines. Anyone gut any questions? Please reference the goalines on the grid. Draw it up in the sand and don’t throw a hissy fit, you ken be the bottle cap, if it means that much, but as a word of caution, the end zone includes the goal line but not the end line.

Keep in mind a good field will be built with a belly or a bow so as to allow the water to flow and drain over the sides. Remember, do not bite the hand that feeds and we'll see who gets their needs met in the end: Offense, Defense, or Special teams.

Call it in the air. Would you like to kick or receive? Which goal would you like to defend? The Film Edition, since it’s already week 4 in the NFL, is well rested and chooses to defer to start the second half. Sudden death is as bad as it sounds, 'less things tend to go your way. In that case race through the commercials with Tevo less it’s the Super Bowl, to see the new end zone celebrations and hear the infamous…he could…go…all…the…way!

This is not Sportscenter! and FYI…T.D. thinks Romo isn’t worthy of all the hype in Big D! The guy that keeps retiring only to play again threw an illegal crack back block last week….will he be fined?

Important note: if an NFL game is tied after 4 quarters the teams play an additional period lasting 15 minutes called overtime: first team ta score...wins. If neither team scores in overtime, the game is...is...a tie? Yup, 'zept if it's the playoffs then you have 4 downs to advance 10 yards.

There is the faceoff at the line of scrimmage, where the big uglies roam in the trenches. A turf war ensues upon the snap of the ball! Players resembling pillager's in the Cap One commercials advance in both directions in a true meeting of the minds. Crash!

There are two ways to advance a leather ball made of pigskin for a most ripping victory: rushing or tossing the forward pass and then, after that, the ball is dead. All play comes to a halt and both teams retire back to their huddle! A tackle is determined by the official, who is also referred to as a zebra, among various other unmentionables until the camera is able to focus on a scantily clad cheerleader.

Save your timeouts and do not throw a red beanbag unless you are completely certain. Are all lineman offensive, or just the ones who protect the rival’s quarterback? There is the long snapper who isn’t mentioned until he makes a mistake and the aforementioned special teams, which, contrary to popular notion, does not take a separate bus from the other players.

Take a look and get familiar with the playbook. Avoid plays that ken be considered high risk in certain scenarios. These playsken be a great thrill to the fans...when they work. The blind side ken lead to the need of a fluffy flak jacket before someone coughs up a bloody lung; concussions being more than just common, they're a curse for some competitors, I just don’t recall which ones!

Touch variations of football ken be less violent, depending on who is playing and if they follow the rules. Please keep in mind, playing touch which becomes too rough, would be a situation where “no” really does mean no, regardless of body language!

The hip bone, is connected to the...thigh bone, no matter the pay scale of the particular individual involved. This information is invaluable when treating an impersonator impersonating a doctor, who may or may not have stayed in a Holiday Inn last night. Try to keep in mind…leaving early is unacceptable no matter what your agent says or does is alright and make sure to drink plenty of fluids. Regulation football is impractical for casual play, no matter what the neighbors like to say.
The greatest game ever played may be the 1958 NFL Championship game, though the Film Edition has seen their fair share of dogfights but that is a tale for another time. The point is momentum so I'm going mobile! Beep beep! Keep on moving, stay on your feet and yes, we will go for two on the conversion.

Well sports/film fans, I think that was worth the wait! Huge props go out to bloodredsox for his outstanding effort of this week's introduction! Remember to check out the Blood Blog and read what Blood is sharing. The link to his blog is off to the side.

Now, on to the game! This week's quotes all came from football movies. Read the quote below and try to figure out what movie it came from.

As always, Blood-N-Bolts Production would like to thank you for playing and we wish you luck!

1. "You just lost yourself the Hall of Fame"

2. "He has a mental attitude that makes me proud to have a friend who spells out courage 24 hours a day, everyday of his life."

3. "The greatest value to us is that we don't care if you get hurt."

4. "Call me sentimental....The fish....they're coming with me."

5. "I sucked so bad, they used to pick my after the white kids."

6. "I can't do nothing else but play football!"

7. "I'll bet you right now that you're wondering what happened to that nice gentleman who begged you to come here, huh?"

8. "Even if you're down there for one hour.....you"re down there."

9. "He probably ate his folks."

10. "How you play today, from this moment on, is how you will be remembered."

There you have it! Ten quotes from 10 great football movies! Once again, thanks for dropping in and doing your best to win the game. Always remember, "you play to win the game."
See you next week!